Today Was Hard

Today Was Hard

Today was hard

Is today hard?  It feels hard.  Maybe it’s just me.

Maybe it’s the weather.  Or the stress of 2020, COVID, the world being completely crazy and me simply being overwhelmed with everything.  Today feels like everything is wrong and covered in ash and too much and not enough.  Today feels like everyone hates everyone else because they feel like they were hated first, even though possibly and probably none of this is even real…it’s even possible it’s all just me and my f’ed up brain chemistry feeling like everything is about to fall apart.

I know it’s not.  Logically.  Rationally.  I know that things are going well.

There is far more good than bad but yet I feel underwater today…panicky.

And then there was a moment of resurrection.  Going through my photos – photos of my children and my best friend… and I saw a glimmer of hope.  As I moved on with my day, the glimmers of hope were everywhere and suddenly I found myself surrounded by reminders that life is a gift and some sort of sign that everything will be okay in the end.

It will.

For me and for you, regardless if we are fighting a seemingly impossible battle with something real or with the trepidation in our own heads, everything will be okay.  We will fight and damnit we will win and truthfully, at times the victories will simply look like making it up the down escalator.  The battles seem to last forever.  Definitely longer than we will.  But truthfully the victories can last just as long.

We are all climbing….looking for the sunshine…blooming wherever we can.  We all have the ability to light up the world, if it’s looking. We are all here for just a season, we cannot last.  We will wither when our time has come.  But it’s not the end. With all we have touched and loved, we leave behind strange and beautiful things that will ultimately grow anew.  You and me and all the men and women that have walked this path before us and everyone else you know now and will ever know.

But right now you are a warrior and beautiful in your own specific way that is unique to you – and I am so glad to know you, even if only through a screen.

And suddenly, somehow, connecting with you now albeit virtually,  the day feels just a little less hard.

I truly hope it does for you too.

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